August 19, 2011
Saying goodbye
When I began working for Ribbon of Hope in September of 2007 I had little idea of what I would experience or of what I might contribute. As I look back with only a few days left in this job the surprise at the end is that what matters most to me now is not what I learned or contributed, but the people I got to know along the way.
Loretta has been an amazing person to work for and work with. Her experience in the business world before coming to Ribbon of Hope makes her stand out in the sea of non-profit executives. She taught me how to do things well, while doing good. She never demanded from others what she wasn’t willing to give of herself. She encouraged my strengths and prodded my weaknesses. Correction was easier to take because she was so generous with compliments.
I fear starting a list of all the Elkhart hospital staff, past and present, who have touched my life and made me a better person. Yet several people set examples worthy of remembering and following.
David Hudson, the hospital chaplain, found time to talk to me and remembered what we had talked about the next time he saw me. That might not seem remarkable until you realize that he has over 2000 hospital employees to care for, plus the spiritual needs of hundreds of patients. I want to become a listener like David.
Greg Lintjer is President of the hospital. We have never spoken to one another. Some months back he earned an important award and I sent congratulations in an e-mail, figuring that my note would merely be one more of dozens of messages. He surprised me with a short, but personal, thank you response. I want to learn to show gratitude like Greg.
Sometimes I would be visiting a patient in one of the hospital rooms and a nurse would come in to check on the patient. It didn’t matter which nurse it was, because I could truthfully say to the patient “this is one of the best nurses we have”. They invent “beach parties” for long term patients. They have built an atmosphere of caring that causes patients to choose to stop by for a visit even after treatments are done. I want to be a team player like the nurses and staff in the Elkhart General Hospital Oncology unit.
The Ribbon of Hope Board of Directors (and our other volunteers as well) each have very full lives with many responsibilities, yet they give time and talents and finances to help our organization succeed. I hope I never get too busy to support the ministry of others.
Not the least in importance, I have seen many patients face cancer with courage and perseverance. Undeterred by hair loss, nausea, and pain they continue to bless others. They face life with grace, and face death without fear. The friendship and vulnerability they have shown me in the midst of their own challenges teaches me what is important and what is not. I pray that I will learn to value the gift of each day of life, and to value each person I meet.
So as I close this chapter and hand my responsibilities to the next runner in this relay I can only say “Thank you”. Not “good bye” for we have a hope beyond this fragile life, just “see you later”.
Ken Holderman
February 24, 2011
Lost and found.
When we have done all that we can to stay in contact with a patient, sometimes we have to take that person off of our active list. That decision is not taken lightly. Sometimes a patient is in remission, back to work, and they don’t bother to let us know. Things would be so much simpler if remission were the only reason for losing contact.
A few days ago a patient showed up on the Oncology floor of this hospital. She was not in remission. We lost her because family members would not give her our messages. Our mail was returned. Her phone was cut off.
She drove herself to the hospital. Discouraged and worn out, she wondered if it would matter to anyone if she died. It mattered to God, and soon it mattered to others as well.
Hospital staff and Ribbon of Hope worked together to protect her place in line for low income housing. Our volunteers helped her pack, and move her few belongings to her new apartment. God provided in unexpected ways so she would have something to eat, and something to eat off of.
She told me that a friend told her that God wouldn’t help her because she wasn’t going to church. (Cancer patients are weakened by treatments, and must avoid public places because their bodies have no resistance to germs.)
But God proved His love and faithfulness to her by surrounding her with Ribbon of Hope and other believers who could show her in tangible ways that she was not forgotten.
“Finally, after so many months, I’m beginning to have hope again,” she said.
That is why we do what we do.
February 21, 2011
Who are we, anyway?
Ribbon of Hope is a local non-profit organization separate from, but affiliated with Elkhart General Health Systems in Elkhart, Indiana. Although Ribbon of Hope has been around Elkhart Hospital for about a decade you may not know much about our organization or about the ways that we serve adult cancer patients and their families. Although we primarily serve patients from Elkhart General, we will gladly extend help to any adult cancer patient, no matter where they receive care.
Ribbon of Hope offers emotional and spiritual support for cancer patients. Unfortunately the terms “emotional and spiritual support” don’t provide the same kind of solid definition that “radiation” or “chemotherapy” provide.
Cancer causes emotional and spiritual damage as well as physical damage. When there is no quick fix for cancer, friends and family may pull away, fearful of a coming loss or hoping to avoid facing their own weakness and mortality. Ribbon of Hope steps into that aloneness to show faithfulness and caring. Our experienced volunteers stand in the gap, building relationships and bringing hope. On occasion we may also be able to help with tangible services like raking leaves in the fall or helping a patient get to their doctor’s appointment.
Anyone can refer a cancer patient to Ribbon of Hope. If you or a close friend or family member has cancer, give us a call toll free at 877-513-1245 . If you see that a friend or neighbor doesn’t have a good support network, ask them if they would like to know more about our services. We will be happy to talk with them and let them decide if they want our help.
Cancer not only affects the patient. Family and caregivers also have their lives turned upside down by a cancer diagnosis. Ribbon of Hope cares for the caregiver, during the patient’s recovery, or standing alongside a grieving spouse or family member.
Ribbon of Hope is supported by donations from individuals, businesses, and churches. We do not charge for any of our services. All contributions to Ribbon of Hope are tax deductible. If you would like to make a donation, return to our website [www.ribbonofhope.org] and click on the Paypal button. Thank you.
December 21, 2010
Priorities
Yes, I realize that it has been a while since I’ve added a new posting on this site. If I have to choose between serving our patients or sitting at the computer writing a blog, I choose the patients. I hope you’ll forgive me.
Yesterday we delivered Holiday Adopt-a-Family gifts, and an equal amount of care packages (a new program this year). We also had the blessing of an unexpected donation of fresh cut trees to share with several of our patients. What a blessing to see how generous people can be in spite of the difficult economy. We also included a couple of families with young children who had lost one of the parents to cancer over the past number of months.
Ribbon of Hope is not primarily an organization that receives and gives “stuff”. Our purpose and our strength is in the intangible services we offer; relationship, caring, perserverance, spiritual encouragement. Yet because we care, because we develop relationships with our patients, and stick by them through the ups and downs of the cancer journey we can’t close our eyes or turn our backs on real needs. When we see the struggles of those who have become like family and close friends we make every attempt to help in whatever way we can. Christmas merely gives us the chance to be the connection between hurting patients and selfless donors so that all can be blessed.
At the top of this post I mentioned our new care package program. This came about because one of our “adopted” families requested cleaning supplies for Christmas. As I looked at her list I was reminded of a comment my son (a cashier at a large super store). He told me that you can’t use food stamps for toilet paper or dish detergent. That was the seed thought for our care packages. We filled those boxes with many non-food essentials to bless some of our older patients on limited income.
Thank you to all who participated.
September 24, 2010
Those who have not experienced the loss of someone important in their lives are not intentionally hurtful, but they can’t understand the scale of pain that is endured by those who are grieving. A splinter in the finger is pain until a piece of your heart is ripped out. Those who don’t understand measure time with a watch. The mourner measures time with a calendar. The others want to know if you are “better”. You sometimes wonder if you are still alive.
Yet some there are who have walked this road before you. Stopping briefly along the path to sit with those on the same journey can bring some comfort, even without words. Isolation melts away like a brief snow in spring. Companions can heal what good advice cannot.
Join us October 3, 2010 at 2 pm in Auditorium B at the Elkhart Hospital as we set aside a few moments to remember those who are no longer with us. Pain doesn’t last. Memories do.
September 10, 2010
Elephant in the Room
In case some of you have not seen this ….
There is an elephant in the room.
It is large and squatting, so it is hard to get around it.
Yet we squeeze by with, “How are you” and “I am fine”
And a thousand other forms of trivial chatter.
We talk about the weather. We talk about work.
We talk about everything- except the elephant in the room.
There’s an elephant in the room.
We all know it’s there.
We are thinking about the elephant as we talk together.
It is constantly on our minds.
For you see, it is a very big elephant.
It has hurt us all.
But we do not talk about the elephant in the room.
Oh, please say her name. Please say “ ” again.
Oh please, let’s talk about the elephant in the room.
For if we talk about her death,
Perhaps we can talk about her life.
Can I say her name to you and not have you look away?
For if I cannot, then you are leaving me
Alone …
In a room …
With an elephant.
— Terry Kettering
September 9, 2010
Tale of Two Patients
Two patients enter the hospital. Soon we learn that both are terminal. Both are women and both are married with children. One is 25 years older than the other. The younger one has good church and family support. She is popular with the hospital staff. The older one has less family and no church. She gets good, but standard care in the hospital. Both ladies accepted Ribbon of Hope care.
So, which one needs us more?
The younger family attracts our attention. They are enjoyable to be with. They show appreciation.
The other family has fewer people skills. It takes more work to communicate with them. The husband will be all alone when she dies, after over 50 years of marriage.
Who do we want to help? That’s really about us, and not about the patient. Which one needs us more? The answer to this might be a focus on our duty rather than their needs.
Who will Ribbon of Hope care for? Both of course, plus the other 225 patients and their families. The world will always pick favorites. We try to find a way to make each patient a favorite, and each family valued.
August 27, 2010
“I was not ready”
Some of our patients want to connect with a survivor because it gives them hope that they too can survive. One of our very special volunteers began as a patient, She survived cancer three times and after she was in remission she wanted to give back.
This afternoon she called to let me know that she had connected well with a new patient I had asked her to mentor. They were developing a friendship and the patient told her today ” I’m so glad I got cancer. I was not ready to go to heaven. Now I am.”
Although the patient is on her way to recovery she still needed to be right with God and ready for heaven. Now she has a cheerful, positive attitude, even as she finishes treatments. She has a new friend. And she faces the future with confidence.
It is an honor to be a part of an organization that helps make that possible.
August 17, 2010
Chances and Choices
Today I saw an obituary that made me extremely sad.
One of our reluctant patients, a middle-aged man, accepted help from Ribbon of Hope in March of last year. He was sent home with hospice a few months later. Then he improved at home and finally cancelled hospice.
A couple of weeks ago he returned to the hospital. I am convinced that one of the main reasons he survived that long was because of the continued and regular prayers sent up on his behalf throughout that year. He was a miracle and didn’t even realize it. Unfortunately in that return visit to the hospital he cancelled our services. Twelve days later he died.
God is not mean. The young man was not punished for cancelling our help. In fact, God is so faithful that He allowed that gentleman the opportunity to experience God’s love through our volunteers and to clearly hear the Gospel and have a chance to choose. He refused.
Jesus explained things in this way–
1Now there were some present at that time who told Jesus about the Galileans whose blood Pilate had mixed with their sacrifices. 2Jesus answered, “Do you think that these Galileans were worse sinners than all the other Galileans because they suffered this way? 3I tell you, no! But unless you repent, you too will all perish. 4Or those eighteen who died when the tower in Siloam fell on them—do you think they were more guilty than all the others living in Jerusalem? 5I tell you, no! But unless you repent, you too will all perish.” Luke 13:1-5 NIV Bible
We all have that chance and that choice. From the Tree of Good and Evil in the Garden of Eden right up to today, God allows us to choose. He warns us of the consequences. The end result depends on which way we choose.
